Things Don't Always Go To Plan

As I've mentioned previously we've had access to this amazing place on Lake Macquarie, and I had every intention of making the most of it. It belongs to a good friend, and it's a really beautiful place. It's got 270 degree views of the lake, it's peaceful and quiet, and in the past when I've spent time here it's always been fun and productive.

So what didn't go to plan?

Well, I really wanted to be productive this last few weeks. I wanted to be productive, and I wanted to have fun. I wanted to catch up on some work, I wanted to have friends come up and hang with us, I had ideas for photoshoots, I had intended to be writing everyday, I wanted to go out walking and take some photos of the area, and I wanted to relax. And what happened? We've been here over three weeks now, and we've accomplished next to none of these objectives.

The one walk I managed with my camera. Photo © Lee Nutter.

This is mostly because we just haven't had the energy or headspace. Coming up here was like an exhale from the busyness that was Sydney. Each time we jumped on a train we did so with the intention of using the time wisely and getting some work done on our laptops, but what happened? We barely had energy enough to pay attention to a podcast.

When we got home we mostly just crashed out, got up late, and were ready to crash out again after getting some breakfast and tidying things up. We did have my parents stay one weekend, and a friend drop by another, but other than that, no visitors. I did catch up on some work, but a mere fraction of what I'd hoped to get done. We did manage a couple of walks, but they were mostly perfunctory, a short detour on the way to the shops, or one of us insisting that we get out of the house and stretch our legs.

I know it's been a trying couple of months, infinitely more trying than we could ever have anticipated, and I know we couldn't ever know this without going through it first, and I know I sound like a spoilt child, I want, I want, I want, but it's disappointing all the same.

I'm really looking forward to getting to Phnom Penh, settling down a little, having less to do, and more headspace to do it in. We're just a few days out from our flight and I really hope this is the beginning of the end of this exhausting, cloudy, and busy mental state we've both been swimming in.

It's been disappointing and frustrating to be experiencing so much, and to have so little opportunity to digest and work through it in our usual ways. Our creative output has been next to nil, we've had very little time to forget ourselves and have some fun, and we've been occupied with the ten thousand things that we need to get done to get us to where we want to be.

I really hope that this is the beginning of the end of this unproductive period, and I know that arriving in Phnom Penh is just the beginning of something else almost entirely unknown, but I still can't fucking wait be there.

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